Ode to Audrey- poem from first boyfriend in HS!

"Audrey, oh Audrey your name is a spell,
It overpowers my every cell
Whenever I see you I take a second look
Cause let's face it girl, I'm on your hook
My heart soars at the thought of you
Frankly, I think I'm in love with you
Anyway I wrote this to ask you something,
Will you go with me to Homecoming?"

-his name was Tim ;) I'm not friends w/ him on Facebook or anything..but this is hilarious!! :) He professed his love to me and then asked me to Homecoming!! Haha.. I remember being devastated when he broke up with me! We only dated a couple months though.. funny looking back on High school & how important everything seemed to be!!

Old poem from HS... kinda cheesey but cute! ;) Also including things I put in parenthesis..guess this was an assignment for school??

Free Verse Poem...

A heart is like a flower, (1 simile)
When love blossoms,
It opens up and lets love in.

With an open heart and an open soul,
You may learn of a secret you wouldn't have known. (personification)

A person may seem uncaring and without love's power,
When love blossoms,
It changes the heart and forgets the sin.

(refrain) With a forgiving heart and a caring soul,
You may forget the worries and love what isn't easily shown.

The heart is a flower,
It opens and closes,
It can live and wilt.

Please don't let this heart die,
Let it live and love and pour out it's soul.

Let it live until it's last hour,
With love there's power.



What I wrote on the side:
"A flower has many forms, shapes, sizes. Some are more beautiful than others. That's how love is."

Seeking Perfection...

This past week I have read a couple articles on the church, and it's quest for perfection. I have seen, time and time again, people being paralyzed by their fear of the future- seeking God's perfect will for their life, along with trying to fit the mold of the "perfect" Christian- which is not even possible. We have to all come to terms with the fact that we are sinful, broken, and ugly people to our core. We are not able to function in this world without constantly coming to God and asking for forgiveness. We also cannot figure out God's will for our lives in some little neatly tied package- it will be revealed to us in it's entirety at the end of our lives. We just have to live day to day, and let him sanctify us-it's a slow process though. "Progressive sanctification" is what this is called. I just listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler on his Podcast about this. The name of the Podcast was called: "Ultimate Authority (Pt 4): Confronting the Mess"- in case you are interested in listening to it.

We have to "confront the mess" and realize that we are all broken people, and have to strive to draw closer to Him, day by day. Each morning we have new grace, new mercies. But, we should be longing and desiring His presence in our lives to complete us. Sometimes He has to break us down to nothing in order for us to allow Him to build us back up and put us back together. He humbles us. My pastor at my home church, Tim, talked about being humbled tonight. We are not supposed to be perfect beings, because if we were- we would gain too much pride, and not focus on glorifying HIM. We would be glorifying ourselves.

Anyways, I pray that every day this week I rest in contemplation on the fact that His mercies are new every morning, and that He will heal and forgive me for the sinful nature that seeps out of me. But, I always pray He strengthens me and molds me into a more mature Christian woman. I want to know Him better. I am trying really hard to focus on that, but it's easy to get caught up in distractions- like career, or friends, dating, etc. We all have some type of distraction. As soon as you can figure out what is keeping you from drawing closer to Him, try to distance yourself from it. I have realized that I am filled with a fear of being lonely or alone. It's extremely hard for me to sit still and be to myself. But, I am finding this solitude is extremely important in my growth as a Christian, because those are the times I can be alone with GOD and pray! Or meditate on scripture. I have really, honestly, been lacking in reading the Bible lately, and I need desperately to get filled with the Word again. So, I am praying for that passion to read the Word to come over me.

Here's the verse I was talking about above...

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23

Off to bed! Night!

Quote about Need-Love, Gift-Love, and Appreciative Love- 3 out of the 4 Loves C.S. Lewis talks about in "The Four Loves"

I need to read this book (The Four Loves-C.S. Lewis)!! Thanks to my friend Reed for sharing this quote on his blog, In The Shadow of the Rockies http://shadowoftherockies.blogspot.com/ He has some other good entries you should check out.

The quote:
"Need-love cries to God from our poverty; Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; Appreciative love says: 'We give thanks to thee for thy great glory.' Need-love says of a woman 'I cannot live without her'; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection - if possible, wealth; Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My analysis of it:
I've realized that "Need-Love" is a REALLY really bad thing. I feel like I have succumb to that over and over again in my life. I NEED love, just as much as the next person. But, to "need" love in the most desperate, longing way- pining after love itself, is never a good thing. It's human though, and I guess what C.S. Lewis is saying is that we should cry to GOD from our poverty- when we need this love. He will supply us with the love we need. But, going to another person for it- that's idolization of that person, and almost using them for it. I know that might be a bit dramatic sounding..but, it's true. We need to get to the point in our "love lives" that we don't beg and beg for love, but instead, give the GIFT of love, and are appreciative of the love we DO have. We have been given so much, just through HIS salvation (and of course this beautiful world that was created just for us). What more could we ask for?

I AM WHO I AM..

Many times I am brought back to this verse, in Exodus 3:14 about God being the Great I AM. It's really weird that this was the devo for today, since a couple days ago I was just talking about this!! :) This is a sweet message to me that God wanted me to hear. I mean, it was already on my heart, and in my mind, and all of a sudden I read my e-mail for the daily devo- and here it is AGAIN! I think God wants to engrain into my system that He just IS. His existance is enough. I don't have to over-analyze Him or try to understand Him- or try to understand His purpose for me in this world. Yes, He definitely has a purpose for all things, but we can rest in knowing that since He is omnipresent and omniscient (He is everywhere AND knows all) we don't have to worry about a single thing. We don't have to try to figure out our path..it will just happen if we let Him work in us, if we hand it all over to Him and trust Him. And- why are we being selfish with it, anyways?? Sure, we all want to have successful careers, marriages, happiness, etc.- but if HE chooses to strip those things from us, that is because He wants to fill us with HIM and not all these other worldly things. All those things are given to us solely that we would turn back to Him and glorify Him, saying "look at what HE's done- and what HE's given me- He is beautiful and amazing and wonderful".. We should be able to love Him regardless of the things He's given though. In the stripping away and taking away, we should still come back to the fact that He is GOOD. He loves us, and that is enough. :)

So, read this devo from today entitled "Trust His Character". It's great...

Trust His Character
Day 202

How do you perceive God? Who is He to you?

"Get solidly in your mind who God is," said Dr. E. V. Hill. "He is not a smart man somewhere who finished from Yale or Harvard who is trying to figure out day-to-day problems for people. . . . He is the eternal I AM. He is the eternal last word. And He is love.

"So when He does something or permits something to happen, you are the one who has to wade through all of this human thinking of what God should have done. God is the Answer. It has been my experience that if you continue to have faith and continue to stay at your post, God somehow will explain it to you. He doesn't have to, but I've seen it over and over. I've seen people come up to me and say, 'Pastor, it's been a long time, but I'm beginning to see now. I'm beginning to see.'"

God is the answer to every question and every need.

"God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM'; and He said, 'Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, I AM has sent me to you'" (Exodus 3:14 nasb).

The New American Standard Study Bible (Zondervan 1999) explains that "I AM WHO I AM" in Exodus 3:14 is the name that expresses God's character as the dependable and faithful God who desires the full trust of His people.

God, I want to know You and trust You as the eternal I AM. May I find security and rest in this all-encompassing aspect of your character. Amen.

Devo from GriefShare e-mails I've been getting the last year and a half...

I've been getting these GriefShare e-mails for the past year and a half..well, approaching two years. I feel like I am still working on my Grief over my Dad, and it is a continual healing process. I have so many questions that are unanswered, and many times I am left with this empty, seeking, searching feeling. Do you know what feeling I am talking about? You feel like the answer, or whatever it is that will make you "complete" is out there in the world somewhere, and you're doing everything to find that "completion"- that peace that comes from understanding. But, the thing about the verse about peace that comes up to me time and time again, is that God wants to give you a peace that SURPASSES all understanding (Phil. 4:7). That means that when we have that PEACE from HIM, we will NOT understand it. It's not finite and something to be grasped intellectually, etc. It's just something that IS. He is the great "I AM". Just knowing HIM and having a relationship with HIM is all we need, and all that will ever satisfy us. Nothing in this world can ever fill us, every bit of it will let us down. Only God can fill and complete us, and give us what we need- we have to cling onto Him and hold tightly to His promises. He is our Savior, our Redeemer, our Rescuer, our Abba, Father! :) Amen.

Now, read the Devo where these thoughts sprung from..

He Gives Himself
Day 199

Because God sees your real need, He wants to give you an answer far better than the answers you seek. You may demand reasons and explanations, but what you need is something more—you need the Lord.

"For in him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28).

Think about the astounding reality of this Bible verse. God is all-sufficient for you. Your very being is in Him. You need Him for survival; you do not need answers.

Joni Eareckson Tada says, "Because God is at the center of the universe holding it all together, and because everything in Him moves and breathes and has its being, He can do no more than give Himself. To do anything less is to be less than Himself. Why seek pat, dry, formulized answers when you can actually receive the flesh-and-blood reality of the love of God?"

God would not be God if He were not sufficient for everyone.

God of life, I need You. My loved ones need You. Help me to place You first and ask questions only after I have done so. Amen.

Teaching ...1,270 students

Okay, so I'm doing a blog entry on a very BROAD category, and that is TEACHING!!! :) This is officially my FIFTH year of teaching. But, that is very general. Let me be more specific. This is my SECOND year of teaching in a REGULAR Public School, and my FOURTH year of teaching ART to Elementary Kids! :) The year previous to the four years of teaching Art, I was an Assistant Teacher at a Montessori in Rice Village.

Anyways, amongst these years of teaching, I have managed to find opportunities to teach in OTHER countries- TWICE!! I got to teach VBS at a school in Silk Grass, Belize in the summer of 2008. Then, for the summer of 2010, I got to teach English as a Second Langauge (ESL) in Pinghu, China!!! I am officially a teacher both nationally, and INTERNATIONALLY!! :)

I wish I had kept track of the exact number of kids I have taught, just because it is really starting to build up. At the Montessori I taught 30 Pre-K through Kinder kids, at Harmony I taught 600 the first year, and 650 the next year. Since a lot of those were the same kids the next year, I'll just say there might've been 100 new ones.... So far, the count is 750. You add in the HISD school, and that was around 200 last year and about 100 new ones this year. Add in 120 Chinese kids from Pinghu Middle School, and 100 kids from Silk Grass..the GRAND TOTAL: 1,270 (or something around that..I'm bad at math)

And I'm not even counting Summer Camps! ;) If I added in the Catholic Summer camps (there were 2- hundreds of kids at each!) and the Gifted School I worked at one summer (maybe 30- it was tiny)..I'd get close to 1,500!! :)

I guess if you teach Elementary Art long enough, you'll get WELL into the THOUSANDS pretty fast! :)

What have I learned through teaching around 1,500 kids? Well, first of all- they have been a wide age range- from 3 years old, all the way up to 15 years old. They have been very International (since I'm from a place like Houston). They have been in Private, Charter AND Public schools. They have been from varying socio-economic backgrounds- all the way from SUPER rich Rice Village kids whose parents are lawyers, doctors and professors at Rice, to the poorest of poor in Belize and even in China.

It has been an amazing, whirlwind trip. I have enjoyed it all. I have definitely had my times where it was what you call a "love-hate" relationship..and I have been ALONE for THREE out of the past FOUR years (this is currently year #5). And when I say ALONE- I mean the SOLE Adult body in the classroom, responsible for anywhere between 10-40 kids AND- THE LONE ART TEACHER (most Elementary schools only have ONE Art Teacher)! I have come up with HUNDREDS of Art Lessons, and have cleaned up SO much junk off my floors, my tables, my counters, my WALLS, and even from the blinds and behind furniture. Oh, and I've also wiped noses, cleaned up throw up, and a myriad of other things... (broke up a few fights..)

Let me tell you, I've really been through it.

But, what I think I've come to realize after ALL OF THIS. I'm a pretty darn good teacher. ;) And, someday..I'm going to be a REALLY GOOD MOM! :)

I thank God for all these experiences, that have definitely broadened my horizons. And I hope He continues to mold me into a good teacher. It's a non-stop learning process. You can only get better and better each year. :) You NEVER reach a peak in teaching. The teachers in their 50s are still learning, even though they're about to retire. That's one thing that's interesting about it- is it NEVER gets dull or boring. There is always a new challenge.

So, if you want a job that's NEVER boring. Become a teacher. But, don't blame me when you're EXTREMELY exhausted and worn out- and NONE of your family or friends understands how you could be SO tired. :) A lot of them sit behind desks day after day, staring at a computer, crunching numbers- or doing something that is STILL VERY CHALLENGING- but, they don't know EXACTLY what it means to be a teacher, until they have stepped into a classroom and tried to be that teacher. :)

Alright. Going to step off my teacher soap box. ;)
Later~ Give hugs to all the teachers you know..and tell them "thanks" for all they do for the kids in your community!! :)

" 'Til Death Do Us Part...' " (quick update..and then marriage post)

So, I've been back at school for a month, and it's already been a pretty stressful year. The last two weeks have been spent car shopping, and I bought two cars, and obviously returned one- because I cannot afford two cars haha.. The first car I bought was a 2009 Toyota RAV4 and it was from Carmax, and my mom made me take it to the auto mechanic to have it checked out, and turns out they lied to us about the Car Fax report. It had TRANSMISSION problems, and had to be returned a few days after buying it. :( Anyways, I did more research, etc. and realized I could buy a BRAND NEW car for only a couple thousand dollars more, and have the manufacturer's warranty, and the reliance of knowing it's never been used. So, that's what I did exactly a week later, Monday, Sept. 13th, a day that will go down in history as the first time I got a loan!! ;) Haha..I'm a REAL adult now. I guess... (oh, it's a 2010 RAV4-almost identical..just newer and charcoal gray instead of black)....

What's making me feel like a "real adult" is the fact TWO of my BEST middle school friends will be getting married in the next year and a half!!!!! I knew, knew, KNEW the day was coming for both these girls. I also have always envisioned having the two of them as bridesmaids in my own future wedding, and lo-and-behold, they have both asked me to be a bridesmaid in THEIR weddings. :) I'm super stoked about it, because I've NEVER been a bridesmaid!! I always thought maybe I was really lame and not good at helping with weddings or something, but then I realized it was because none of my best BEST friends had gotten married yet. All my girl friends have been very wise, and have stuck to focusing on their careers instead of boys. So, now that they are starting to have the career thing figured out, they are now getting married. I'm very proud of them for all these accomplishments in their life, and I can't wait to celebrate with them the commitment they are making to their future husbands on their special day. :)

Now, all these things- cars and marriage, brings me to a lot of my own thoughts on life. I am not the kind of person who can sit and watch new things happen and not somehow get introspective and think about what I would someday want for my own life. I think God is gently tapping me on the shoulder and this is what He's saying "Hey, Audrey- all your best friends are finally getting married- the day has come that you are no longer TOO young or immature to make these decisions, because all your friends are taking that big leap of faith, meaning YOU, TOO are capable of doing it...." Anyways, this is what I hear God saying to me. ;) I think a lot of my hold ups in life lately, have been due to me not wanting to say "goodbye" to an Era of my life. This Era is the single, carefree, fun, world-traveling, liberated Audrey that was created over the last couple of years, to escape many of life's worries...

I have dug deep deep DEEP into myself, during my contemplation and introspection, and realized that my World-traveling has been somewhat of an escape mechanism from my worries & woes. I was consumed in a combination of fear, anxiety, numbness and grief from about 3 year's worth of pain from the loss of my Dad- and what led up to the loss of my Dad. I thought about it tonight during worship at church, and realized that the combination of the Anticipatory Grief and then the Actual Grief and the anxiety that came from it took about 3 years of my life. The peace and joy that I had had previous to that was set aside for a while, and I was just CONSUMED with this pain. I feel like the last few months, God used a series of small events to make me RELAX and take a chill pill. He has given me these incredible experiences in both China and Mexico- and they were both places that I'd always wanted to go- but, the strange thing, is I didn't feel like a tourist in those places like I normally feel in various countries. I just felt like the journeys there were an extension of my adventurous life here. The adventures I have here in Houston are just as exciting. The love I feel for my family and friends are just as amazing and incredible. The women I met in China changed my life, and the Chinese kids did, too..but, I meet amazing people here in Houston, Texas, and I meet amazing people in Wimberley, and in all the other places I go. I have realized that it is all a journey, and it is all a gift. God gave me these gifts in these wonderful places overseas, but He is going to continue to give me gifts here in the good ol' US of A! The gift giving doesn't just suddenly STOP when you entire into the US border. Haha..and for some reason, I thought that each time I arrived back here, I would be consumed with pain and sorrow again. Isn't that silly? I was trying to escape. Well, guess what?? My pain went with me to China. I was there long enough this time, in another country, that the pain was able to follow me there. I was able to cry on a few buses when nobody was looking. I was able to mourn the loss of my Dad as I looked out of my bus window onto the Shanghai skyline. I cried when I met an amazing man named David who lives in DC, and his wife just discovered a brain tumor and has had surgery to remove it, and now I'm keeping up with his blog as she recovers. I cried because he reminded me of my Dad in many ways, and I even told him that.

God just keeps bringing me reminders of my Dad-everywhere I go, and keeps telling me that the pain is not ever going to completely subside and leave my side. He is making me realize that this pain is going to be attached to me as long as I live here on this Earth. That I will carry it as my burden..BUT, God reminds me that He can help me carry my burdens. He can even carry me when the load gets too heavy. He wants me to rest in Him and in His care. He wants me to give my anxieties and worries over to Him...

The way this all ties back into marriage is- I am scared to be committed to SOMEONE. Someone who is going to just die and wither away like my DAD. I miss my Dad so inceredibly much, and I cannot imagine adding another person to my life who may just as quickly leave me. I feel like my Dad left me, and even though that is completely ridiculous and silly- part of it is true. I have realized how fragile this life is. And, one startling thing I've realized is- whoever you're married to is someone you are bound to " 'Til Death Do Us Part.' " My mom's gravesite is already engraved with her name and her birthday with a dash that leads up to her day of death, which is obviously still empty. But, what I find sometimes daunting about this all--is, whoever I choose to marry, I ultimately choose to die and go to Heaven with (well, not sure if married couples are together in Heaven-not sure how that works), but I want to choose that person to live and die with well...I want to choose someone who I will feel comfortable having by my side in my last few moments of life. Not only during those last breaths, but also during the most important moments- such as the birth(s?) of all my children. I want to choose the right person to stand by my side as I struggle to have those kids-hopefully there will be more than one. There are two things for sure in life- joy and pain...life and death..and I just want to make sure I make the right decision. You only have ONE chance to do it right. :)

So, I'm praying right now for God to give me peace, strength, wisdom, and guidance in this area. And, confidence to boldly go in the right direction once I know which one to go. :)
This is all I can write for now..sorry it got so deep. :)

Putting this year into Perspective- from my teaching experiences in China..to today's teaching in America!! :)

Hey everyone! :) I am leaving for work in a few minutes. It's is 6:52 am on Monday, August 23rd, and this is a day that I have been anticipating this year. I feel like this year is completely different from the past 3 years I've taught. Yes, I'm in Houston still, I'm teaching the same subject- Elementary Art, and I think I'm a pretty great Art Teacher (although, many times- my discipline isn't very good- and that translates into "classroom management"). Anyways, I feel that my perspective on teaching and a lot of the way I view the world and children, and people in general, has changed dramatically based on my past Summer! I got the amazing privilege of teaching English to 120 high school freshman for two weeks in Pinghu, China, an hour from Shanghai. Yes, although this job could just sound kind of glamorous or exciting, it was more than that.

It taught me to really lean into God for my teaching, and every area of my life. I had to let go of all the stresses that were surrounding me back home, and any stress or anxiety over teaching English to kids who had only taken English for 3 years, and who I thought were going to look at me like I was a "stupid American". Anyways, I think that I impressed these kids with my love and caring towards their learning. I don't think they've experienced a teacher who has smiled at them a lot, made them laugh, and helped them ENJOY learning English. A lot of the kids told me that they didn't like speaking English before, but because of me, they started to ENJOY speaking and practicing their English. They told me that it could be FUN to learn, and that I helped teach them that. I will have to type up some more of their letters, when I get a chance. But, reading each and every single one of their letters really encouraged me, and has helped me have the correct perspective this year. I know that my "classroom management" and discipline is important, but I also think that if I can truly show all my students that I care for them and their learning, and that I want them to ENJOY art first and foremost, then they will probably want to behave in my class.

It's definitely different than China, where I had amazingly disciplined and motivated kids who have had it engrained into their heads that they MUST be successful, because that is what their country stands for. BUT, regardless- I learned in China, that I am actually a WONDERFUL teacher. And, I need to let go of any slight imperfections I have and realize that what matters is my excitement over my subject, and my knowledge of it..and if I can truly share that insight and EXCITE then I can change my kids here in America for the better. Kids in America need to see a teacher who is passionate about something. They need to find some of that passion for themselves. So, that is my goal. I want them to be able to express themselves, and to find a love for art just simply because it allows them to do that. I want them to learn about cultures around the World who express themselves through Art. I want them to know how important Art is for this. Art is a means of expression, when often times you cannot find the words to express yourself- painting or using clay or any other medium is a means of expression when words are not enough. :)

Well, gotta get going! But, I hope every single teacher has a great year! :) Everyone who is not a teacher, please pray for us all as we start out our school year. I know you might not think our jobs are hard, but trust me- they are. Harder than you can imagine. Emotionally exhausting. But, even if you do not understand it, please pray for us- for us to reach the kids. Because it's about the kids, not the teachers. :) Thanks! :)

God likes his yokes easy!!! :) OFF TO CHINA!!!

"God likes his yokes easy."~quote on a sign at a church

When I saw this quote on that sign today, it really stuck out to me, because it is based off my favorite verse!!!

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls."

During all the traumatic life events that happened over the last couple of years, losing my dad, breakups, getting anxiety/mild depression from both these things, I have learned that God will always give you as much as you can handle. He will make you strong and teach you, and use you to glorify Him, even in those hard and somewhat dark times. I have come out on the other side of all those dark times, and I am full of life and joy- and reaching a place where I can fully serve HIM!! And, what's really great- is He is using my passions- like art, travel, missions, teaching- to do it!! He wants us to be HAPPY while we serve HIM. And, I think this is absolutely amazing..much more than great! ;)

Anyways, please look to my other official China blog to see what I'm up to in China. There will be no commenting on that one, so just go and read it and enjoy it. If you want to comment, you can e-mail me personally. I'm not giving out the e-mail though..so, hopefully if you're close to me, you have it!! :)

Here's the China blog:
http://www.liliflowerinchina.blogspot.com
Hopefully I can post a lot!! We'll see how much time I'll have for posting, etc.
Thanks for your interest in my trip!!

Peace~
Audrey "Lili"

Feelings of nervousness..

Above pic: Scorpions on a stick..definitely nervous about eating those..haha..JK..I definitely WILL NOT be eating those! ;) They also have Starfish on a stick, and pretty much anything else you can think of on a stick. Pretty creative..but not appetizing to me. Might be appetizing to someone though. ;)


Okay, so I never ever EVER get nervous about trips overseas. I don't even think about flying in an airplane over the sea. It doesn't affect me. I'm not sure why. So, that is definitely NOT what I'm nervous about. I'm nervous about a few other things. So, to make it easier, I'm just simply going to list them..haha:

1) Nervous about TEACHING! I had such a hard year this past year with my students here in good ol' Texas. My kids were SO hyper and not focused, and it was so hard to control them and get them to pay attention to me, and respect me. Getting through an entire lesson was like pulling teeth most of the time. There would be only two, three, or maybe four kids who were distracting to the entire class, but, unfortunately, those few kids would seem to ruin it for the rest of the class. I don't think the Chinese kids will be this way, plus I'm teaching a much older group of kids 14-15 yr. olds, but just b/c of the past year, I am nervous.

2) Nervous about the CULTURE shock. I've never really "lived" in a place for a month, outside of Saudi Arabia, where I really truly did live for three years. I'm not sure if a month can qualify as "living" somewhere. But, maybe it could?? I'm not sure, really. Anyways, not being able to speak then language, etc. will definitely be challenging for an entire month. Oh, and hopefully I'll like all the food and not be starving, haha..I guess I'll learn to like it, even if I initially don't. :)

3) Nervous about not being able to easily contact my FAMILY/FRIENDS. I'm going to miss them, that's all. :)

4) Nervous about hanging out w/ middle-aged ladies who are all retired teachers for an entire month. I hope I don't feel left out being the youngest one, by about half their ages, or more. I hope they all accept me, and that I am able to make some friends who can also be mentors in my faith/spirituality..because they are all also very strong Christian women.

...anyways, that's about it!! Please pray for me w/ all these things that make me nervous!! :) I appreciate it!

We Shall All Be Reunited-Patty Griffin

Love this song..go listen/watch it on Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgVGH70-ocQ
It's amazing, and Patty Griffin does such a wonderful job:


Where is now my father's family
That was here so long ago?
Sitting 'round the kitchen fireside
Brightened by the ruddy glow

We shall all be reunited
In that land beyond the skies
Where there'll be no separation
No more marching, no more sighs

Some have gone to lands far distant
And with others made their home
Some upon the world of waters
All their lives have chose to roam

We shall all be reunited
In that land beyond the skies
Where there'll be no separation
No more marching, no more sighs

Some have gone from us forever
For with us they could not stay
They have all dispersed and wandered
Gone away, so far away

We shall all be reunited
In that land beyond the skies
Where there'll be no separation
No more marching, no more sighs

We shall meet beyond the river
In that land of pure delight
Where no sickness or no sorrow
Will our joys there ever blight

We shall all be reunited
In that land beyond the skies
Where there'll be no separation
No more marching, no more sighs
No more marching, no more sighs

China verses :) ..Desire, Fear, Work not in Vain, etc..

Psalms 38:9 "Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee."

Philippians 1:3-6 "I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Phil. 2:6 "Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ's return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless."

Isaiah 35:4 "Say to those with fearful hearts, 'Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.'"

Psalm 21:2 "Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and hast not withholden the request of his lips. Selah."

China (and traveling in general): The journey is the destination.

(L: two pics I took in summer 2007 in Paris, France, obviously..)

I am so incredibly happy and blessed beyond what I ever imagined. God has proven to me over and over again how much He desires for me to go on this trip. He wants me to go just as much as I want to go, and it's evident in the way He is providing for me in every way, shape and form. I silently spoke to Him in my heart the desires to live and work overseas, and He heard those desires spoken beyond a faint whisper in my heart. He heard them in enormous volumes that were probably resounding like a gong! "Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee." Psalm 38:9*

I have desired to live abroad for several years- at least the last 5 years, maybe more. For some reason, this is just embedded in my soul. I have a sense of what some people may call "wander lust", but, I honestly don't like that term, because "lust" is never a good thing. I mean, isn't lust an unquenchable thirst for physical pleasures? It seems like a very earthly/worldly thing. To me, traveling is not to become more "worldly" or cultured, although being cultured isn't a bad thing either.

I see travel as something entirely different- to me it's actually a very spiritual experience. When else are you going to feel super vulnerable in every avenue of life- where you're going to sleep? What you're going to eat? What languages will be spoken? Whether you're going to get sick off their food or not? If you'll catch your trains and airplanes on time? If you'll arrive safely at your destination? If your destination will be safe? If people will be friendly and welcoming? ...I mean, the list could go on and on and on..I just think it's great to be able to fully rely on and seek God during every moment in your travels, and see what it is He's trying to teach you, and to see how faithful He is, in meeting every need- physical, emotional, and spiritual. You grow so much in these times.

I always remember the trip with Amy to Europe- when her passport accidentally fell out of her pocket in the train station. We were on a train that was going to take us from England to France, in a tunnel that went under the English Channel. In a few short hours you would leave London and miraculously end up in Paris- without taking a plane or getting on a boat. I thought this was the coolest thing.. until..while waiting on the train for it to depart, we were sitting in our comfy seats,

and Amy speaks up...
"Oh my God! (or something to that effect!) I lost my PASSPORT!!!!!"

OMG OMG OMG!!!! AHHH What??? Is what I was thinking?? I was immediately imagining all the scenarios that could occur..

she hopped off the train, and said- "I'll be RIGHT back!"

The doors were closed, and she exited the train in a FURY and ran down this super long train to the waiting area. Luckily, when she got to the middle of it, one of the train workers (not sure what you called them) met her HALFWAY and handed her her passport!!!! Oh my GOSH! I was SO thankful when I saw her appear back on the train and plop herself down next to me.

I had already determined that I was on my way to Paris all alone, and that it would be okay- I would just check into a hostel, and umm..call one of her parents and tell them where I was in hopes that she would talk to them and figure out where I was...yeah, that would work?? Haha..So, anyways, these are the exact types of situations where you really are relying on God to get you safely (and legally, with all passports secure) to your destinations. :) God didn't want me to be roaming Paris by myself!! ;) He took care of me! Although, I think I'm starting to get more secure in my traveling nowadays, and could totally handle Paris alone NOW..but three years ago, that would've totally freaked me out!

Well, going to bed. This entry wasn't really about China or what I'm doing there. But, that's how my entries are..they take their own direction as I write them. Free flow, kind of. If you enjoy it, you do, if you don't- that's fine too. :) To each his/her own. I'm not trying to appeal to the audience..haha..this is definitely more for me. Here I am, being selfish in my writing. ;) But this is a freaking online journal, people! You are just merely allowed a slight glimpse into the way my brain operates with all these thoughts constantly circling around.

Later~
*Looked up Psalm 38:9 and found a really great blog all about Desire..and how we need to check our Desires and make sure they are glorifying to God. I don't think traveling the world is always glorifying, it always depends on the purpose and what inspired you to go where you're going. But, I do feel God has put these desires in my heart for a reason, and I will elaborate on this more. It could very well be for missions, but I'm not exactly sure at this point. I'm still working that out in my head..next entry will be on Desire! :) Here's the wonderful blog I found that had some good points: http://www.about-him.com/page38.html the entry is divided into parts "Your Heart's Desire", "What Was the Desire of Jesus", "Gain is Not Necessarily Godliness"..and "A Contrast"..then, finally, what was the author's desire.

China: How it all began Pt. 2

So, I've realized after reading through my last post that I like to digress a lot! "So I digress..." Should be put anywhere that I decide I'm going to randomly go off on a tangent. I guess that just goes to show I have a million thoughts flying through my mind all at once. I guess that's how it is with most things in my life- and when I stop to think back on a memory, so life-changing as this choice to go on a long term missions trip to China, a lot of feelings and thoughts come back to me all at once. I basically told you how it all happened through this lovely woman, Catherine, and how she actually approached me, and asked me about whether I'd be interested in this trip to China with a bunch of teachers for a month during the summer. And then I proceeded to tell you how within two weeks of knowing about the trip, I had already bought and paid for my expensive plane ticket to China. I hadn't met the people I'd be going with, and I honestly didn't know a single thing about it, besides the fact that we were going to teach English, and somehow do the m-word also (just so you know, the "m word" is missions, but from here on out I might be calling it that- or maybe call ourselves "ambassadors for the L*rd", etc.)

Anyways, I believe that this was a HUGE leap of faith for me. I mean, I have randomly said yes to plenty of trips, but each of them has only been a week or two long. This is TWICE as long, and I actually have to work while I'm there, it's not just for vacation or for fun. So, it's a pretty big commitment. These ladies that go on this trip are mostly retired teachers, and they all spend the entire year planning for and anticipating this trip. I have only spent the past 4 months really thinking about it, and now- in the two weeks before I actually leave to go to China, I can actually start planning. I didn't have time before this to really plan. As in, lesson plan. Yes, there will be lesson planning involved. We will be actual, real teachers there, and we are expected to provide a service to these children of China, to help them learn and grow so that someday they can move to the United States and be successful in whatever industry they choose to be in. Just the fact that as an American we know "American English" is a HUGE commodity, and they want this SO badly. English with any other accent is fine, as well..they just want to know ENGLISH! We often take the things we have for granted, such as education, food, clean water, money, etc. But, one of the things most Americans definitely take for granted, is having the knowledge and ability to speak a worldwide spoken language, one of the most powerful languages, English!

Now, I just need to learn how exactly you teach such a language to these already brilliant people over in China. I guess I will be researching and figuring this out. We have had training for three days back in April, but that was 2 months ago, and I already feel like some of that has slipped away from me. I have to review and refresh what I learned. I will be doing some of that on here, possibly..but that might bore you, haha..

So, instead, I'll probably tell you how I'm preparing for this spiritually, and what I hope to gain from this experience. I haven't decided if I'll blog while I'm there, but if I do, I'll have to make another blog for that time, because this one has too many spiritual things on it, and I don't want to get in trouble while there.

Well, I will write more later! Basically, I have told you how it all began...now I'm going to get into the prep mode! ;) Later~

Headed to China in a week and a half!! :) How it all began..Pt. 1

Okay, so I'll be leaving in a week and a half for China. We will be leaving in the evening on Sunday, June 27th. I will be there til July 22nd, China time, but the day I'll arrive in the US back home is July 21st- so on the way back I'll gain a day! ;) Interesting, right? Anyways, I haven't journaled or blogged about this trip, because I haven't been sure what perspective to take..the perspective of a missionary or a teacher, going overseas to simply teach English. I'm not sure which it should be. We're not really going solely as either of the two, it's kind of a dual-thing. So, let me first of all explain how I even signed onto this whole thing...

God pretty much picked me out for this. At least that's how it feels. My mom goes to this really amazing church in West Houston, and it's a Presbyterian church that I went to in high school and college. The only reason I don't go there now is because they don't have a very good young adult's/single's group-but they are working on it. :) It's just, at the time that I was looking for one- there were only about six active people in it (as far as I could see). Anyways, so I had found the young adult's group I currently attend, at a Methodist church also in West Houston. The only reason I'm not saying church names, is b/c I'm not sure who all is reading this, and I don't really want to be advertising, etc. If you really want to know, you can figure out a way to ask me. :) So, I go to my mom's church occasionally, mostly in the mornings, because my church group meets in the evenings on Sunday. I went with her to the Ladies Brunch Saturday, February 6th. The reason I remember the date so distinctively in my head, is because I had broken up with a boyfriend the day before, and I was pretty upset about it, and I was crying during the speaker that was at the Ladies Brunch. I was crying because of the beautiful things she was saying about being broken, and also being formed- like pottery. She was a potter who was demonstrating on the wheel while giving her life testimony and drawing all these metaphors between life and her struggles in becoming a Christian, etc.

Anyways, by the end of the Ladies Brunch I had cried my eyes out. And I wasn't sure if it was the message or because I was feeling pity for myself because of the silly breakup (not trying to say it wasn't a big deal- but I only dated the guy for 2 months, and I shouldn't have been so upset, right??). Anyways, about two weeks previous to this Saturday morning, I had gone to church with my friend Jennifer and we were at a coffee shop called Brasil (I will advertise for wonderful coffee shops on here..don't see anything wrong with that for some reason). I was telling Jennifer or "Jmay" as we nick namingly call her, about how I had this deep desire in my heart to travel and to live overseas and teach English, particularly in an Asian country- Japan, China, South Korea, etc. I distinctly remember saying this..I also mentioned South America, I think. Anyways, it's soooo weird how this all happened..because exactly TWO weeks later- this woman named Catherine approached me at the Ladies Brunch, and it all began...

Catherine and I were both drying our tears, and then we started talking about how great the speaker was from the Ladies Brunch, and somehow got onto my career as a teacher and how I've had a hard year teaching. She went on to tell me about this wonderful organization she is the President of, called American-Chinese Fellowship. She said it meets every Friday, and that I should come by sometime and do the Bible Study, etc. with them. I told her I would check it out. I gave her my e-mail address, and you know how you nonchalantly give people your e-mail all the time, not always expecting an e-mail back from them..well, this lady was different. She actually e-mailed me!! Like, the very next day! So, I told her I would try to come by and check out ACF (that's the abbreviated version of American-Chinese Fellowship). I say "TRY" a lot, because I overcommit and overbook myself VERY often. So, I wasn't really sure if I could come or not. Anyways, this particular Friday I wasn't able to come.

I went to my mom's church the next Sunday (a week and a day after the Ladies Brunch) and I ran into Catherine in the hallway outside the Fellowship hall (sanctuary). She and I small talked like people do..but then she proceeded to tell me that the ACF group has an group of teacher women who go to China each summer to teach English and do missions, as well. She told me she had been praying and asking the Lord whether she should mention it to me or not. Well, I guess the Lord told her she should, because she decided to tell me all about it, and ask whether or not I'd be interested. She e-mailed me the application, etc. within the next week. I had it complete by Feb. 18th or so, and bought my plane ticket by Feb. 26th and also went to my first American-Chinese Fellowship meeting the same night I bought my plane ticket! I was IN! Going to China to teach English..and who knows what else!! :)

I will write more..computer about to die. And I'm tired..To be continued!

Van Gogh- Starry Night..kid version :)

I was really really proud of the kids during this project. They seem to really understand the shapes and movement that goes on in Van Gogh's "Starry Night". I showed them how to draw the "flame-like Cypress trees" and then the simple geometric shapes that make up the church and other buildings of the city down below. They caught onto it really fast and easily, and then I let them do their drawing/painting either horizontally or vertically and basically interpret it however they wished. :) They totally went with it, and some kids ended up doing several "Starry Nights"..they enjoyed it that much. :) They are wonderful at Impressionism. They are good at ALL of the "-ism"s, I'm finding. They are AMAZING at Cubism, which is one of my favorites. I will post those the next entry.

Well, until then..have a good night/day, everyone! :)

Cumulative List of Art Projects from entire YEAR!

I just compiled this list of all the Art Projects (37!) we've done over the entire school year. Of course, we've done some smaller projects and sketches, etc. leading up to these MAIN projects..but this is the meat of it. :) I am going to start an Art Ed. blog- with my experiences as an Art Teacher, but mostly to keep a good record/catalog of all the projects we've done, and mostly with good quality pictures from these projects (I will even edit the color in the photographs a bit, b/c a lot of photos are taken in flourescent lighting-which makes everything look YELLOW-sick!).

Anyways, for now..here is the list, and I will put the link up to the new Art Ed. blog SOON! Not sure what I'm going to call it..any creative names? Having to do with Elementary Art Classes being a place for Organized Chaos?? Haha..And extremely MESSY!?! Thanks!

P.S.- I know that summer is coming..so that's why I feel I have time to really start this blog w/ nice edited pics of artwork the kids did over the past year..and also to start experimenting and coming up with better lessons/ideas for next year! The summer might just be a catalog of inspirations, etc. :)


Aug. 24-28 Intro to Art, Self Portrait Sketches
Aug. 31-Sept. 11 Realistic Self Portraits
Line/Shape Collage w/ Mags

Sept. 14-18 Line Chalk Drawing
Shape Chalk Drawing
Sept. 21-25 Line/Shape Combo Drawing
Sept. 28-Oct. 2 Chagall Dream Drawing

Oct. 5-9 Pumpkin Collages w/ Torn Construction Paper
Oct. 12-16 Fruit Still Life Unit Intro-Pencil Sketches
Oct. 19-23 Fruit Impressionism/Pointillism Painting
Oct. 26-30 Bulldog paintings- Impress./Point. Techniques

Nov. 2-6 Rodeo Art Unit Intro-Pencil Sketches
Nov. 9-13, Nov. 16-20 Quality Art Rodeo Pieces
Nov. 23-27 Cartoon Cows
Nov. 30-Dec. 4 Christmas ornaments/ “Eye of God” weaving

Dec. 7-11 Back to Cartoon Cows (not finished yet)
Dec. 14-18 Basket Weaving

Jan. 5-8 Cityscapes with Construction Paper
Jan. 11-15 "14 Object Drawing"
Jan. 19-22 Salt Dough Sculptures
Jan. 25-29 Oil Pastel 8 Rectangles with Patterns/Designs

Feb. 1-5 Van Gogh “Starry Night”
Feb. 8-12 "5 Hands Drawing" (Overlapping w/ Patterns/Designs)
Feb. 16-19 Van Gogh “Still Life: Vase with 12 Sunflowers”
Feb. 22-26 Tree Roots Drawing

March 1-5 "Y Tree Painting"
March 8-12 Picasso “Girl in the Mirror” (Cubism)
March 22-26 Cartoon Fish Drawings

March 29-April 2 Cartoon Seahorse, Sharks, etc. Drawings
April 5-9 Matisse Paper Cutouts
April 12-16 Matisse “Purple Robes & Anemones”,
Start Bulldog Yearbook Cover Drawings
April 19-23, 26-30 Earth Day Posters, Field Day Posters

May 3-7 Mother’s Day Drawings/Cards
Plaster Bandages Collage
May 10-14
May 17-21
May 24-28

Sorry for not posting....

It's hard to get back into the habit of journaling when you haven't really done it in a while. I used to be really good at it..I would post almost every day for a while on my old journal (http://audeli.livejournal.com). I guess I had more time on my hands before? I'm not sure...anyways, I'm trying to come up with good, edited photos from the trip to Spain/France, and once I do that I think it will encourage me to write little bits about each day there. It was really quick- only six days really, so it was a whirlwind of events! It's hard to know where to start! I will definitely be better about writing while I'm in China, because I think it'll be a much much slower pace, and less traveling around, being all touristy. :)

Well, hope you are all doing well, and I will write more SOON! :) Just wanted to apologize for lack of entries.

Lunch break..quick post about Spain & France trip- Spring Break- March 15-22nd :)

I'm on my lunch break..and it only lasts like 20 more mins, so I can't really write very much. But, I wanted to go ahead and say how amazing my trip to Spain & France was. :) I am so thankful that I was given this opportunity. I've realized that all these experiences truly are from God. He has given me the time, energy/health, and resources (money, etc) to get to travel all around the world. I don't know exactly what He's been trying to teach me through all these trips, but I think a lot of it has to do with just seeing His beautiful world, and His creation, even in just the many cultures He's created.

Even though I am extremely exhausted from pushing myself tremendously hard over the past week- going to two countries, and three major cities, and hopping on six planes, I can say it was all very much worth it!!! I will be posting some photos up here later, and post on the details of the trip. There are so many good memories that have come from this trip, and it was one of the first times I can remember laughing uncontrollably just from being with my friends. I felt really carefree, and without worry for the first time in a long time. I was able to let go of a lot of my worries, and just focus on the present, on the here and now. It was wonderful. I cannot let go of that mindset. I need to keep living like that, because it was great- and so freeing. :) I will write more about the details of this trip SOON! I can't wait to share more of it with everyone!

P.S.- Thanks Jmay & Matt for making the trip so much FUN! You were wonderful travel buddies!

Eternal Perspective

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

I will probably be writing a lot about eternity in here, because that has been one of the things on my heart recently. Ever since my dad died, I just haven't had the same view of the world. I think what happened is as soon as my father was gone- I felt a piece of myself missing. My heart was truly broken and I experienced an immediate sting of pain. I don't know how else to describe this feeling. But, when people say they are broken, now I think I understand a little more what brokenness truly is. You just feel incomplete, and that something is missing. Your mom and dad are the two people who brought you into this world, so it makes sense that you would feel incomplete when one of them is gone. Half of a complete picture is missing. The two people who brought you up to be the person that you are today are now separated.

All the years of sacrifice and commitment to making sure you are looked after, cared and provided for are gone- and with those years of childhood, one of those integral people is gone. He cannot see the way he has impacted my life, and changed me forever for the better. I can say that if I hadn't had strong Christian, God-fearing parents, I might not have become a Christian- who really knows? I mean, I know and admit that they had a lot to do with it. I could have been born anywhere in the world, and to any two parents, but I was blessed to be born in America and have two incredibly giving and wonderful godly parents. When I say God-fearing, I should probably explain that more for those of you who do not know what that means. It's not so much being scared or afraid, but seeing how magnificent God is, and how all-powerful and awesome He is, and wanting to follow hard after Him, just because you are so in awe of His power.

Anyways, ever since I had this integral piece missing- my loving and self-sacrificing Father, I have just been grappling for something or someone to make me feel better, and complete that hole that is missing. I have even been so stupid as to think a silly husband would complete this area that is lacking. I miss that strong presence of a godly man in my life. A man who will provide for me and my family, and guide me spiritually. My dad always worried that he wasn't a strong enough spiritual leader for our family, that he didn't teach us enough or pray with us enough, but I know that just his strong faith emanated throughout our house and caused everyone to feel a sense of peace.

I don't think I ever felt scared, alone, or anxious once while growing up. I had never encountered the feeling of anxiety until a year after he died, when I moved into an apartment by myself. I had never lived alone, and suddenly, my grief hit me extremely hard. I felt more alone than I ever had in that upsurge of grief. I knew there would be waves of grief, ebbs and flows, but I had no idea how strong and powerful that feeling could be, and how all-consuming it could be. It knocked the air out of me, just like when you were a kid and you got knocked on the ground during a rough game of tag or something. I was a kid, just playing, and being free, and all of a sudden I got knocked on the ground, and it was hard to breathe for a moment. I have recently gotten back up on my feet, running around again, but I am still dealing with a lot of the loss. It has been two years, and I didn't think it would take this long.

Anyways, what has helped me to move over the hump of grief and onto a newness of life, is realizing that this life is so completely temporary, and we are never guaranteed a tomorrow. I realized that the feeling of being incomplete didn't come from missing my Dad necessarily, but from realizing how each of us is going to eventually die- and we all spend so much time worrying about such petty and trite things, and I just longed for something more. I have been coming to terms with the fact that this Earth is not really our home, it's a temporary home, and I think I always understood that with my head before, but didn't really feel it in my heart. Now that my Dad is missing from this Earth, and he is up in Heaven, I feel the intensity of the verse "He has set eternity in the hearts of men." My heart has been longing for the permanence of a Heavenly home, where all of my family will be, together forever. I'm not saying I want to die right now, I just realize that this world is full of pain and suffering, and I had never really experienced that before, and I realize my heart will never be fully content on this Earth. We are Eternal beings, made for something more. We can catch glimpses of Heaven here on Earth, and those are beautiful moments. Love is something God has given each of us, as a taste of the Eternal beauty in Heaven. I believe Love is Eternal, and that is an amazing thing. I am so thankful for the simple joys and beauties He gives us here on this Earth, to remind us of His very own Love, and that He will always take care of us.

Anyways, I have been wanting to write this entry for a while, but didn't want people to think I was overly consumed with death and Heaven, because that is not the case- I just have been changed. My perspective is different, and that changes the way I choose to live. I will get more into that later. :) Thanks for reading! I'll write more soon! I'm feeling I might be coming upon some more pretty deep entries soon. Later~

Travel quotes :)

Travel quotes- I just left them all linked, because I might want to read more quotes by these people at a later time. :) I'm getting really into quotes, as you can see!! :) These are from www.thinkexist.com

“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”
Saint Augustine quotes (Ancient Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo from 396 to 430. One of the Latin Fathers of the Church. 354-430)


“I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move.”
Robert Louis Stevenson quotes (Scottish Essayist, Poet and Author of fiction and travel books, 1850-1894)


“Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quotes (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832)

““Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.””
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J.R.R. Tolkien quotes (English Writer and Author of richly inventive epic fantasy The Lord of the Rings, 1892-1973)


“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
Marcel Proust quotes (French Novelist and Author, 1871-1922)


“The longest journey a man must take is the eighteen inches from his head to his heart”


“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”
Lao Tzu quotes (Chinese taoist Philosopher, founder of Taoism, wrote "Tao Te Ching" (also "The Book of the Way"). 600 BC-531 BC)

“The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.”
G. K. Chesterton quotes (English born Gabonese Critic, Essayist, Novelist and Poet, 1874-1936)
Similar Quotes.


“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
George Moore quotes (English Philosopher one of the fathers of the analytic philosophy. 1873-1958)


“Experience, travel - these are as education in themselves”
Euripides quotes (Greek playwright, c. 480-406 BC)

Losses as passages to something new, wider, deeper..

“.....every time there are losses there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper”

Henri Nouwen quote

I am realizing that when someone dies, or when you break up with someone, there are definitely two ways of looking at it. You can either enter into a place of depression, like Henri Nouwen says in the quote above where you also have anger, blame, hatred, resentment, etc. OR you can see these losses as passages to something new, wider and deeper. I have definitely experienced all of this first hand. Through the loss of my father, I have experienced more pain and even slight experiences of depression, than I have through any other experience. The way I see it- is I was so innocent and naive, and had never really experienced anything very difficult at all. I was still a child, up until two years ago, when I had to watch my dad die in such a painful and slow way. I had those images just stuck in my brain for the longest time. Finally, I can look past those last days, and the way he looked all shriveled up, to the times where he was healthy and happy.

I don't know how I removed those negative images, and replaced them with the positive ones. I can only say it was a miracle of God. He probably saw how they were not allowing me to move onward. This is where I can now talk about moving onto something new, wider and deeper. When I think about my dad now, I can imagine him in Heaven. I can see him as his youthful self. The man I didn't ever really know- because I didn't really get to know him until he was into his 40s (that's when I was old enough to converse with him, etc.-when I was 10 and up). I only have pictures of him in his early 20s- his prime! He was a handsome man, and very adventurous. He loved to go white water rafting and set up camping trips with his single's group at church to go do this! He was actually quite popular in that group, and the goofy funny guy. I had glimpses of his goofy/funny side every so often. But, not all the time. He turned quite serious. Many guys I dated were pretty scared of him, I think. Haha.. But anyways, I like to remember him for the fun side, and imagine what it would've been like to be friends with him when he was in his 20s. I'm sure we would've been good friends! I have some friends now, who remind me of him. I don't really want to point these people out- that might creep them out. But, it is nice that God gives you friendly reminders of certain people you miss through OTHER people. Isn't that kind of weird? Just the comforts and the essence of certain characteristics you really value in a person. I'm sure other people can relate to this feeling.

Anyways, I think God has definitely blessed me in allowing there to be a new perspective on my Dad's death. He is young and carefree and having the best time right now! He's probably white water rafting right now! I'm sure you can do that- and whatever else makes you happy- up in Heaven!! ;) I'm not really sure..but I like to imagine it that way. Maybe just being in God's presence is all you need- you don't need all those fun activities. I'm not sure, really.

Another "newness" I've gained from this loss, is being able to see the world at finite. I know that most people see it this way, and I did too. But now, I see it even more so. I am able to embrace each day as though it were my last, truly, for the first time. This is why I totally jump on new experiences and opportunities to travel and go places, versus saving my money and sitting around. That might not be wise- to not plan for the future so much, but I also know that saving a bunch of money and then dying and never having gone anywhere would be really terribly sad. There has to be a happy balance.

P.S.-I know that I am not balanced. I need to slow down for sure, and just relax a bit more, and save a bit more. But, at the same time- I do not regret any of my choices up until now. I am planning on being responsible and saving money starting this summer! When I either: a) move back home with my mom, or b) move into Sally's mom's house= both will be free of rent! I haven't decided which to do, just yet..but I am thankful for both of these choices. I have been pretty irresponsible when it comes to planning/saving for the future, but I know God has taught me a lot about depending on Him to help me get to all these wonderful places- England, Scotland, France, Wales, Belize, California, Turkey, New York City, Wyoming (Yellowstone), Canada, Colorado and now Spain and China! I mean, seriously, how amazing is all of this? I heard it said one time by a neighbor- "you're investing in YOU!"

Well, I've gotta go. Reading to do for a book study for school. :) It's on classroom management and discipline. Those are my two difficulties right now in teaching..so, there's lots of room for improvement. At least it's a challenge- and much of it is about child psychology. I'm going to try to stay positive about this challenge I have, and grow from it, both personally and professionally. :)
Later~

Lord of the Ring and J.R.R. Tolkien

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.”

J.R.R. Tolkien Okay, so earlier I totally put that "Not all those who wander are lost" was said by Ralph Waldo Emerson. What was I thinking?? I knew it was J.R.R. Tolkien. I had just seen the quote on another friend's blog. Her name is Stephanie and she just left last week for a three month to however long backpacking trip around Europe. Of course, I had read the quote many other times in other places- blogs, bumper stickers, probably on a t-shirt..who knows really where all I've seen it. But, I'm going to stick by it as long as I'm a wanderer. Anyways, I googled this quote- to get the context of it. I would like to read more of where it came from- and that is the amazing book trilogy Lord of the Ring. I was just struck by how amazing the full quote is!!!! It is full of Christianity- all over it! I know that J.R.R. Tolkein was a very strong Christian man, and he was friends and ROOMMATES with C.S. Lewis in college! They both taught and lived in Oxford, England, where they hung out at this pub, Eagle and Child Pub. They sat at the same table every time and supposedly would discuss/debate theology, etc. :) Thus, where we get "Theology Pub" talks now that many churches are involved in..such a brilliant idea. Well, I just digressed a bit, but where I was going with all of this- is..J.R.R Tokein did a very good job of speaking relevant truth into his stories. This is easy to see in the whole concept of the ring choosing Frodo, when he didn't necessarily want to be chosen by it, and the struggles over good versus evil, and being tempted in the Garden to leave his ring and turn it over to that evil elf lady, Galadriel (am I right??). Anyways, there is pretty perfect imagery all over this story. I've only seen the movie, never read the books, but now I'm starting to want to read them just thinking back over the amazing story!!! :) And back to the QUOTE- the part that hit me the most: "Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless shall again be King." WOW. That's all I can say..is WOW! I want to have all of these things- deep roots that cannot be reached by frost. I want God to help me to plant my roots deeper and deeper into fertile soil, where I can grow and be nourished. I want to overflow with His joy and grace. I want my ashes to be turned into a fire, a huge flame of passion. I want to be so consumed with passion and love for Him that I don't need anything else. I want the light to come out of the shadows- to radiate from them for everyone to see. And, most of all- I want to be renewed. I don't care so much about being a Queen or having a crown..but I want all those other things. :) Beautiful and simple. :) I love J.R.R. Tolkein! I'm totally reading these books! It's a trilogy though, so I'm sure it'll take a while..but I read the trilogy of Twilight books, and that was probably a complete waste of my time, haha..so, I should invest in good books, that have substance. :) WOW! Haha. That's it for now. I'm sure some LOTR fans will like this entry. ;) ~Peace, Love and Pistachios/Avocados

Welcome to Pistachio Avocado :) Weird name..but hey! It's unique!

I've decided to create a new blog. I was sick of my old one. It is filled with so many sad memories of my father's passing and the grief that followed it, and then two breakups, and just lots of loss. I am ready to have rebirth, newness, and rejuvenation. So, this blog is going to be my attempt at searching for meaning and beauty in the simplest of things. That is why I named it something so strange- Pistachio Avocado. Of course, I love the greens of both of these foods, but there is something really beautiful and simple in both of them as well.

A Pistachio just seems like it was created to be easily opened so that we can enjoy it. Most nuts aren't that easy to pull apart, and I have loved every single pistachio I've ever consumed. :) Another thing, that I just realized subconsciously about pistachios- is that my Dad used to LOOOOOOOOOVE them and that could be part of the reason I have loved them. We used to buy huge bags of them, and just eat them without end, it would seem. So, I have happy memories associated with this silly nut. :)

Avocados are a whole 'nother story for another time. I could probably fill an entire post with the reasons I love avocados. They are just amazing. I could eat them every single day and never get tired of them. And of course, the color is magnificent. Even the pit in the middle is kind of cool. And the texture of the skin that wraps around it. You pull the pit out and you can pour salad dressing right in that spot, and then take your spoon and just dive into avocado goodness!

Anyways, I won't always write silly entries like this. But I figured this was a good, light hearted way to start out. I will write more later! I want to write about some of the exciting things coming up in my life- my trip to Spain for Spring Break, and my trip to China to teach English this summer!! God has definitely been blessing me lately- by fulfilling my desires to travel extensively. I have been to 8 countries in the last 3 years, and 4 states. I obviously have a bit of "wander lust" which I've had for about 5 years now. But, that is okay..I feel like eventually it will fade, and I'll be ready to settle down. But I love the quote, "Not all who wander are lost"- J.R.R. Tolkien. These words remind me that just because I'm traveling a lot- it doesn't mean I'm completely lost and just running away from things. Instead, I'm running TOWARDS things- new discoveries and explorations. That's the way I see it, at least. Maybe other people think I'm a bit crazy with the travel bug. But, that's okay. You can think what you want. :)

Well, gotta go! Write later~ Peace, love, and pistachios/avocados!