Don't love your life too much..

"One or Two Things" by Mary Oliver

Don’t bother me.
I’ve just
been born.
The butterfly’s loping flight
carries it through the country of the leaves
delicately, and well enough to get it
where it wants to go, wherever that is, stopping
here and there to fuzzle the damp throats
of flowers and the black mud; up
and down it swings, frenzied and aimless; and sometimes

for long delicious moments it is perfectly
lazy, riding motionless in the breeze on the soft stalk
of some ordinary flower.

The god of dirt
came up to me many times and said
so many wise and delectable things, I lay
on the grass listening
to his dog voice,
crow voice,
frog voice; now, he said, and now,
and never once mentioned forever,

which has nevertheless always been,
like a sharp iron hoof,
at the center of my mind.

One or two things are all you need
to travel over the blue pond, over the deep
roughage of the trees and through the stiff
flowers of lightening – some deep
memory of pleasure, some cutting
knowledge of pain.

But to lift the hoof!
For that you need
an idea.

For years and years I struggled
just to love my life. And then

the butterfly rose, weightless, in the wind.
“Don’t love your life
too much,” it said,

and vanished
into the world.

Ode to Audrey- poem from first boyfriend in HS!

"Audrey, oh Audrey your name is a spell,
It overpowers my every cell
Whenever I see you I take a second look
Cause let's face it girl, I'm on your hook
My heart soars at the thought of you
Frankly, I think I'm in love with you
Anyway I wrote this to ask you something,
Will you go with me to Homecoming?"

-his name was Tim ;) I'm not friends w/ him on Facebook or anything..but this is hilarious!! :) He professed his love to me and then asked me to Homecoming!! Haha.. I remember being devastated when he broke up with me! We only dated a couple months though.. funny looking back on High school & how important everything seemed to be!!

Old poem from HS... kinda cheesey but cute! ;) Also including things I put in parenthesis..guess this was an assignment for school??

Free Verse Poem...

A heart is like a flower, (1 simile)
When love blossoms,
It opens up and lets love in.

With an open heart and an open soul,
You may learn of a secret you wouldn't have known. (personification)

A person may seem uncaring and without love's power,
When love blossoms,
It changes the heart and forgets the sin.

(refrain) With a forgiving heart and a caring soul,
You may forget the worries and love what isn't easily shown.

The heart is a flower,
It opens and closes,
It can live and wilt.

Please don't let this heart die,
Let it live and love and pour out it's soul.

Let it live until it's last hour,
With love there's power.



What I wrote on the side:
"A flower has many forms, shapes, sizes. Some are more beautiful than others. That's how love is."

Seeking Perfection...

This past week I have read a couple articles on the church, and it's quest for perfection. I have seen, time and time again, people being paralyzed by their fear of the future- seeking God's perfect will for their life, along with trying to fit the mold of the "perfect" Christian- which is not even possible. We have to all come to terms with the fact that we are sinful, broken, and ugly people to our core. We are not able to function in this world without constantly coming to God and asking for forgiveness. We also cannot figure out God's will for our lives in some little neatly tied package- it will be revealed to us in it's entirety at the end of our lives. We just have to live day to day, and let him sanctify us-it's a slow process though. "Progressive sanctification" is what this is called. I just listened to a sermon by Matt Chandler on his Podcast about this. The name of the Podcast was called: "Ultimate Authority (Pt 4): Confronting the Mess"- in case you are interested in listening to it.

We have to "confront the mess" and realize that we are all broken people, and have to strive to draw closer to Him, day by day. Each morning we have new grace, new mercies. But, we should be longing and desiring His presence in our lives to complete us. Sometimes He has to break us down to nothing in order for us to allow Him to build us back up and put us back together. He humbles us. My pastor at my home church, Tim, talked about being humbled tonight. We are not supposed to be perfect beings, because if we were- we would gain too much pride, and not focus on glorifying HIM. We would be glorifying ourselves.

Anyways, I pray that every day this week I rest in contemplation on the fact that His mercies are new every morning, and that He will heal and forgive me for the sinful nature that seeps out of me. But, I always pray He strengthens me and molds me into a more mature Christian woman. I want to know Him better. I am trying really hard to focus on that, but it's easy to get caught up in distractions- like career, or friends, dating, etc. We all have some type of distraction. As soon as you can figure out what is keeping you from drawing closer to Him, try to distance yourself from it. I have realized that I am filled with a fear of being lonely or alone. It's extremely hard for me to sit still and be to myself. But, I am finding this solitude is extremely important in my growth as a Christian, because those are the times I can be alone with GOD and pray! Or meditate on scripture. I have really, honestly, been lacking in reading the Bible lately, and I need desperately to get filled with the Word again. So, I am praying for that passion to read the Word to come over me.

Here's the verse I was talking about above...

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." -Lamentations 3:22-23

Off to bed! Night!

Quote about Need-Love, Gift-Love, and Appreciative Love- 3 out of the 4 Loves C.S. Lewis talks about in "The Four Loves"

I need to read this book (The Four Loves-C.S. Lewis)!! Thanks to my friend Reed for sharing this quote on his blog, In The Shadow of the Rockies http://shadowoftherockies.blogspot.com/ He has some other good entries you should check out.

The quote:
"Need-love cries to God from our poverty; Gift-love longs to serve, or even to suffer for, God; Appreciative love says: 'We give thanks to thee for thy great glory.' Need-love says of a woman 'I cannot live without her'; Gift-love longs to give her happiness, comfort, protection - if possible, wealth; Appreciative love gazes and holds its breath and is silent, rejoices that such a wonder should exist even if not for him, will not be wholly dejected by losing her, would rather have it so than never to have seen her at all." - C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My analysis of it:
I've realized that "Need-Love" is a REALLY really bad thing. I feel like I have succumb to that over and over again in my life. I NEED love, just as much as the next person. But, to "need" love in the most desperate, longing way- pining after love itself, is never a good thing. It's human though, and I guess what C.S. Lewis is saying is that we should cry to GOD from our poverty- when we need this love. He will supply us with the love we need. But, going to another person for it- that's idolization of that person, and almost using them for it. I know that might be a bit dramatic sounding..but, it's true. We need to get to the point in our "love lives" that we don't beg and beg for love, but instead, give the GIFT of love, and are appreciative of the love we DO have. We have been given so much, just through HIS salvation (and of course this beautiful world that was created just for us). What more could we ask for?

I AM WHO I AM..

Many times I am brought back to this verse, in Exodus 3:14 about God being the Great I AM. It's really weird that this was the devo for today, since a couple days ago I was just talking about this!! :) This is a sweet message to me that God wanted me to hear. I mean, it was already on my heart, and in my mind, and all of a sudden I read my e-mail for the daily devo- and here it is AGAIN! I think God wants to engrain into my system that He just IS. His existance is enough. I don't have to over-analyze Him or try to understand Him- or try to understand His purpose for me in this world. Yes, He definitely has a purpose for all things, but we can rest in knowing that since He is omnipresent and omniscient (He is everywhere AND knows all) we don't have to worry about a single thing. We don't have to try to figure out our path..it will just happen if we let Him work in us, if we hand it all over to Him and trust Him. And- why are we being selfish with it, anyways?? Sure, we all want to have successful careers, marriages, happiness, etc.- but if HE chooses to strip those things from us, that is because He wants to fill us with HIM and not all these other worldly things. All those things are given to us solely that we would turn back to Him and glorify Him, saying "look at what HE's done- and what HE's given me- He is beautiful and amazing and wonderful".. We should be able to love Him regardless of the things He's given though. In the stripping away and taking away, we should still come back to the fact that He is GOOD. He loves us, and that is enough. :)

So, read this devo from today entitled "Trust His Character". It's great...

Trust His Character
Day 202

How do you perceive God? Who is He to you?

"Get solidly in your mind who God is," said Dr. E. V. Hill. "He is not a smart man somewhere who finished from Yale or Harvard who is trying to figure out day-to-day problems for people. . . . He is the eternal I AM. He is the eternal last word. And He is love.

"So when He does something or permits something to happen, you are the one who has to wade through all of this human thinking of what God should have done. God is the Answer. It has been my experience that if you continue to have faith and continue to stay at your post, God somehow will explain it to you. He doesn't have to, but I've seen it over and over. I've seen people come up to me and say, 'Pastor, it's been a long time, but I'm beginning to see now. I'm beginning to see.'"

God is the answer to every question and every need.

"God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM'; and He said, 'Thus you shall say to the sons of Israel, I AM has sent me to you'" (Exodus 3:14 nasb).

The New American Standard Study Bible (Zondervan 1999) explains that "I AM WHO I AM" in Exodus 3:14 is the name that expresses God's character as the dependable and faithful God who desires the full trust of His people.

God, I want to know You and trust You as the eternal I AM. May I find security and rest in this all-encompassing aspect of your character. Amen.

Devo from GriefShare e-mails I've been getting the last year and a half...

I've been getting these GriefShare e-mails for the past year and a half..well, approaching two years. I feel like I am still working on my Grief over my Dad, and it is a continual healing process. I have so many questions that are unanswered, and many times I am left with this empty, seeking, searching feeling. Do you know what feeling I am talking about? You feel like the answer, or whatever it is that will make you "complete" is out there in the world somewhere, and you're doing everything to find that "completion"- that peace that comes from understanding. But, the thing about the verse about peace that comes up to me time and time again, is that God wants to give you a peace that SURPASSES all understanding (Phil. 4:7). That means that when we have that PEACE from HIM, we will NOT understand it. It's not finite and something to be grasped intellectually, etc. It's just something that IS. He is the great "I AM". Just knowing HIM and having a relationship with HIM is all we need, and all that will ever satisfy us. Nothing in this world can ever fill us, every bit of it will let us down. Only God can fill and complete us, and give us what we need- we have to cling onto Him and hold tightly to His promises. He is our Savior, our Redeemer, our Rescuer, our Abba, Father! :) Amen.

Now, read the Devo where these thoughts sprung from..

He Gives Himself
Day 199

Because God sees your real need, He wants to give you an answer far better than the answers you seek. You may demand reasons and explanations, but what you need is something more—you need the Lord.

"For in him we live and move and have our being" (Acts 17:28).

Think about the astounding reality of this Bible verse. God is all-sufficient for you. Your very being is in Him. You need Him for survival; you do not need answers.

Joni Eareckson Tada says, "Because God is at the center of the universe holding it all together, and because everything in Him moves and breathes and has its being, He can do no more than give Himself. To do anything less is to be less than Himself. Why seek pat, dry, formulized answers when you can actually receive the flesh-and-blood reality of the love of God?"

God would not be God if He were not sufficient for everyone.

God of life, I need You. My loved ones need You. Help me to place You first and ask questions only after I have done so. Amen.