Lunch break..quick post about Spain & France trip- Spring Break- March 15-22nd :)

I'm on my lunch break..and it only lasts like 20 more mins, so I can't really write very much. But, I wanted to go ahead and say how amazing my trip to Spain & France was. :) I am so thankful that I was given this opportunity. I've realized that all these experiences truly are from God. He has given me the time, energy/health, and resources (money, etc) to get to travel all around the world. I don't know exactly what He's been trying to teach me through all these trips, but I think a lot of it has to do with just seeing His beautiful world, and His creation, even in just the many cultures He's created.

Even though I am extremely exhausted from pushing myself tremendously hard over the past week- going to two countries, and three major cities, and hopping on six planes, I can say it was all very much worth it!!! I will be posting some photos up here later, and post on the details of the trip. There are so many good memories that have come from this trip, and it was one of the first times I can remember laughing uncontrollably just from being with my friends. I felt really carefree, and without worry for the first time in a long time. I was able to let go of a lot of my worries, and just focus on the present, on the here and now. It was wonderful. I cannot let go of that mindset. I need to keep living like that, because it was great- and so freeing. :) I will write more about the details of this trip SOON! I can't wait to share more of it with everyone!

P.S.- Thanks Jmay & Matt for making the trip so much FUN! You were wonderful travel buddies!

Eternal Perspective

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11

I will probably be writing a lot about eternity in here, because that has been one of the things on my heart recently. Ever since my dad died, I just haven't had the same view of the world. I think what happened is as soon as my father was gone- I felt a piece of myself missing. My heart was truly broken and I experienced an immediate sting of pain. I don't know how else to describe this feeling. But, when people say they are broken, now I think I understand a little more what brokenness truly is. You just feel incomplete, and that something is missing. Your mom and dad are the two people who brought you into this world, so it makes sense that you would feel incomplete when one of them is gone. Half of a complete picture is missing. The two people who brought you up to be the person that you are today are now separated.

All the years of sacrifice and commitment to making sure you are looked after, cared and provided for are gone- and with those years of childhood, one of those integral people is gone. He cannot see the way he has impacted my life, and changed me forever for the better. I can say that if I hadn't had strong Christian, God-fearing parents, I might not have become a Christian- who really knows? I mean, I know and admit that they had a lot to do with it. I could have been born anywhere in the world, and to any two parents, but I was blessed to be born in America and have two incredibly giving and wonderful godly parents. When I say God-fearing, I should probably explain that more for those of you who do not know what that means. It's not so much being scared or afraid, but seeing how magnificent God is, and how all-powerful and awesome He is, and wanting to follow hard after Him, just because you are so in awe of His power.

Anyways, ever since I had this integral piece missing- my loving and self-sacrificing Father, I have just been grappling for something or someone to make me feel better, and complete that hole that is missing. I have even been so stupid as to think a silly husband would complete this area that is lacking. I miss that strong presence of a godly man in my life. A man who will provide for me and my family, and guide me spiritually. My dad always worried that he wasn't a strong enough spiritual leader for our family, that he didn't teach us enough or pray with us enough, but I know that just his strong faith emanated throughout our house and caused everyone to feel a sense of peace.

I don't think I ever felt scared, alone, or anxious once while growing up. I had never encountered the feeling of anxiety until a year after he died, when I moved into an apartment by myself. I had never lived alone, and suddenly, my grief hit me extremely hard. I felt more alone than I ever had in that upsurge of grief. I knew there would be waves of grief, ebbs and flows, but I had no idea how strong and powerful that feeling could be, and how all-consuming it could be. It knocked the air out of me, just like when you were a kid and you got knocked on the ground during a rough game of tag or something. I was a kid, just playing, and being free, and all of a sudden I got knocked on the ground, and it was hard to breathe for a moment. I have recently gotten back up on my feet, running around again, but I am still dealing with a lot of the loss. It has been two years, and I didn't think it would take this long.

Anyways, what has helped me to move over the hump of grief and onto a newness of life, is realizing that this life is so completely temporary, and we are never guaranteed a tomorrow. I realized that the feeling of being incomplete didn't come from missing my Dad necessarily, but from realizing how each of us is going to eventually die- and we all spend so much time worrying about such petty and trite things, and I just longed for something more. I have been coming to terms with the fact that this Earth is not really our home, it's a temporary home, and I think I always understood that with my head before, but didn't really feel it in my heart. Now that my Dad is missing from this Earth, and he is up in Heaven, I feel the intensity of the verse "He has set eternity in the hearts of men." My heart has been longing for the permanence of a Heavenly home, where all of my family will be, together forever. I'm not saying I want to die right now, I just realize that this world is full of pain and suffering, and I had never really experienced that before, and I realize my heart will never be fully content on this Earth. We are Eternal beings, made for something more. We can catch glimpses of Heaven here on Earth, and those are beautiful moments. Love is something God has given each of us, as a taste of the Eternal beauty in Heaven. I believe Love is Eternal, and that is an amazing thing. I am so thankful for the simple joys and beauties He gives us here on this Earth, to remind us of His very own Love, and that He will always take care of us.

Anyways, I have been wanting to write this entry for a while, but didn't want people to think I was overly consumed with death and Heaven, because that is not the case- I just have been changed. My perspective is different, and that changes the way I choose to live. I will get more into that later. :) Thanks for reading! I'll write more soon! I'm feeling I might be coming upon some more pretty deep entries soon. Later~

Travel quotes :)

Travel quotes- I just left them all linked, because I might want to read more quotes by these people at a later time. :) I'm getting really into quotes, as you can see!! :) These are from www.thinkexist.com

“The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”
Saint Augustine quotes (Ancient Roman Christian Theologian and Bishop of Hippo from 396 to 430. One of the Latin Fathers of the Church. 354-430)


“I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel's sake. The great affair is to move.”
Robert Louis Stevenson quotes (Scottish Essayist, Poet and Author of fiction and travel books, 1850-1894)


“Those who know nothing of foreign languages know nothing of their own.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe quotes (German Playwright, Poet, Novelist and Dramatist. 1749-1832)

““Remember what Bilbo used to say: It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.””
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J.R.R. Tolkien quotes (English Writer and Author of richly inventive epic fantasy The Lord of the Rings, 1892-1973)


“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.”
Marcel Proust quotes (French Novelist and Author, 1871-1922)


“The longest journey a man must take is the eighteen inches from his head to his heart”


“A good traveler has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.”
Lao Tzu quotes (Chinese taoist Philosopher, founder of Taoism, wrote "Tao Te Ching" (also "The Book of the Way"). 600 BC-531 BC)

“The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.”
G. K. Chesterton quotes (English born Gabonese Critic, Essayist, Novelist and Poet, 1874-1936)
Similar Quotes.


“A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
George Moore quotes (English Philosopher one of the fathers of the analytic philosophy. 1873-1958)


“Experience, travel - these are as education in themselves”
Euripides quotes (Greek playwright, c. 480-406 BC)

Losses as passages to something new, wider, deeper..

“.....every time there are losses there are choices to be made. You choose to live your losses as passages to anger, blame, hatred, depression and resentment, or you choose to let these losses be passages to something new, something wider, and deeper”

Henri Nouwen quote

I am realizing that when someone dies, or when you break up with someone, there are definitely two ways of looking at it. You can either enter into a place of depression, like Henri Nouwen says in the quote above where you also have anger, blame, hatred, resentment, etc. OR you can see these losses as passages to something new, wider and deeper. I have definitely experienced all of this first hand. Through the loss of my father, I have experienced more pain and even slight experiences of depression, than I have through any other experience. The way I see it- is I was so innocent and naive, and had never really experienced anything very difficult at all. I was still a child, up until two years ago, when I had to watch my dad die in such a painful and slow way. I had those images just stuck in my brain for the longest time. Finally, I can look past those last days, and the way he looked all shriveled up, to the times where he was healthy and happy.

I don't know how I removed those negative images, and replaced them with the positive ones. I can only say it was a miracle of God. He probably saw how they were not allowing me to move onward. This is where I can now talk about moving onto something new, wider and deeper. When I think about my dad now, I can imagine him in Heaven. I can see him as his youthful self. The man I didn't ever really know- because I didn't really get to know him until he was into his 40s (that's when I was old enough to converse with him, etc.-when I was 10 and up). I only have pictures of him in his early 20s- his prime! He was a handsome man, and very adventurous. He loved to go white water rafting and set up camping trips with his single's group at church to go do this! He was actually quite popular in that group, and the goofy funny guy. I had glimpses of his goofy/funny side every so often. But, not all the time. He turned quite serious. Many guys I dated were pretty scared of him, I think. Haha.. But anyways, I like to remember him for the fun side, and imagine what it would've been like to be friends with him when he was in his 20s. I'm sure we would've been good friends! I have some friends now, who remind me of him. I don't really want to point these people out- that might creep them out. But, it is nice that God gives you friendly reminders of certain people you miss through OTHER people. Isn't that kind of weird? Just the comforts and the essence of certain characteristics you really value in a person. I'm sure other people can relate to this feeling.

Anyways, I think God has definitely blessed me in allowing there to be a new perspective on my Dad's death. He is young and carefree and having the best time right now! He's probably white water rafting right now! I'm sure you can do that- and whatever else makes you happy- up in Heaven!! ;) I'm not really sure..but I like to imagine it that way. Maybe just being in God's presence is all you need- you don't need all those fun activities. I'm not sure, really.

Another "newness" I've gained from this loss, is being able to see the world at finite. I know that most people see it this way, and I did too. But now, I see it even more so. I am able to embrace each day as though it were my last, truly, for the first time. This is why I totally jump on new experiences and opportunities to travel and go places, versus saving my money and sitting around. That might not be wise- to not plan for the future so much, but I also know that saving a bunch of money and then dying and never having gone anywhere would be really terribly sad. There has to be a happy balance.

P.S.-I know that I am not balanced. I need to slow down for sure, and just relax a bit more, and save a bit more. But, at the same time- I do not regret any of my choices up until now. I am planning on being responsible and saving money starting this summer! When I either: a) move back home with my mom, or b) move into Sally's mom's house= both will be free of rent! I haven't decided which to do, just yet..but I am thankful for both of these choices. I have been pretty irresponsible when it comes to planning/saving for the future, but I know God has taught me a lot about depending on Him to help me get to all these wonderful places- England, Scotland, France, Wales, Belize, California, Turkey, New York City, Wyoming (Yellowstone), Canada, Colorado and now Spain and China! I mean, seriously, how amazing is all of this? I heard it said one time by a neighbor- "you're investing in YOU!"

Well, I've gotta go. Reading to do for a book study for school. :) It's on classroom management and discipline. Those are my two difficulties right now in teaching..so, there's lots of room for improvement. At least it's a challenge- and much of it is about child psychology. I'm going to try to stay positive about this challenge I have, and grow from it, both personally and professionally. :)
Later~

Lord of the Ring and J.R.R. Tolkien

“All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring; renenwed shall be blade that was broken, the crownless again shall be king.”

J.R.R. Tolkien Okay, so earlier I totally put that "Not all those who wander are lost" was said by Ralph Waldo Emerson. What was I thinking?? I knew it was J.R.R. Tolkien. I had just seen the quote on another friend's blog. Her name is Stephanie and she just left last week for a three month to however long backpacking trip around Europe. Of course, I had read the quote many other times in other places- blogs, bumper stickers, probably on a t-shirt..who knows really where all I've seen it. But, I'm going to stick by it as long as I'm a wanderer. Anyways, I googled this quote- to get the context of it. I would like to read more of where it came from- and that is the amazing book trilogy Lord of the Ring. I was just struck by how amazing the full quote is!!!! It is full of Christianity- all over it! I know that J.R.R. Tolkein was a very strong Christian man, and he was friends and ROOMMATES with C.S. Lewis in college! They both taught and lived in Oxford, England, where they hung out at this pub, Eagle and Child Pub. They sat at the same table every time and supposedly would discuss/debate theology, etc. :) Thus, where we get "Theology Pub" talks now that many churches are involved in..such a brilliant idea. Well, I just digressed a bit, but where I was going with all of this- is..J.R.R Tokein did a very good job of speaking relevant truth into his stories. This is easy to see in the whole concept of the ring choosing Frodo, when he didn't necessarily want to be chosen by it, and the struggles over good versus evil, and being tempted in the Garden to leave his ring and turn it over to that evil elf lady, Galadriel (am I right??). Anyways, there is pretty perfect imagery all over this story. I've only seen the movie, never read the books, but now I'm starting to want to read them just thinking back over the amazing story!!! :) And back to the QUOTE- the part that hit me the most: "Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless shall again be King." WOW. That's all I can say..is WOW! I want to have all of these things- deep roots that cannot be reached by frost. I want God to help me to plant my roots deeper and deeper into fertile soil, where I can grow and be nourished. I want to overflow with His joy and grace. I want my ashes to be turned into a fire, a huge flame of passion. I want to be so consumed with passion and love for Him that I don't need anything else. I want the light to come out of the shadows- to radiate from them for everyone to see. And, most of all- I want to be renewed. I don't care so much about being a Queen or having a crown..but I want all those other things. :) Beautiful and simple. :) I love J.R.R. Tolkein! I'm totally reading these books! It's a trilogy though, so I'm sure it'll take a while..but I read the trilogy of Twilight books, and that was probably a complete waste of my time, haha..so, I should invest in good books, that have substance. :) WOW! Haha. That's it for now. I'm sure some LOTR fans will like this entry. ;) ~Peace, Love and Pistachios/Avocados

Welcome to Pistachio Avocado :) Weird name..but hey! It's unique!

I've decided to create a new blog. I was sick of my old one. It is filled with so many sad memories of my father's passing and the grief that followed it, and then two breakups, and just lots of loss. I am ready to have rebirth, newness, and rejuvenation. So, this blog is going to be my attempt at searching for meaning and beauty in the simplest of things. That is why I named it something so strange- Pistachio Avocado. Of course, I love the greens of both of these foods, but there is something really beautiful and simple in both of them as well.

A Pistachio just seems like it was created to be easily opened so that we can enjoy it. Most nuts aren't that easy to pull apart, and I have loved every single pistachio I've ever consumed. :) Another thing, that I just realized subconsciously about pistachios- is that my Dad used to LOOOOOOOOOVE them and that could be part of the reason I have loved them. We used to buy huge bags of them, and just eat them without end, it would seem. So, I have happy memories associated with this silly nut. :)

Avocados are a whole 'nother story for another time. I could probably fill an entire post with the reasons I love avocados. They are just amazing. I could eat them every single day and never get tired of them. And of course, the color is magnificent. Even the pit in the middle is kind of cool. And the texture of the skin that wraps around it. You pull the pit out and you can pour salad dressing right in that spot, and then take your spoon and just dive into avocado goodness!

Anyways, I won't always write silly entries like this. But I figured this was a good, light hearted way to start out. I will write more later! I want to write about some of the exciting things coming up in my life- my trip to Spain for Spring Break, and my trip to China to teach English this summer!! God has definitely been blessing me lately- by fulfilling my desires to travel extensively. I have been to 8 countries in the last 3 years, and 4 states. I obviously have a bit of "wander lust" which I've had for about 5 years now. But, that is okay..I feel like eventually it will fade, and I'll be ready to settle down. But I love the quote, "Not all who wander are lost"- J.R.R. Tolkien. These words remind me that just because I'm traveling a lot- it doesn't mean I'm completely lost and just running away from things. Instead, I'm running TOWARDS things- new discoveries and explorations. That's the way I see it, at least. Maybe other people think I'm a bit crazy with the travel bug. But, that's okay. You can think what you want. :)

Well, gotta go! Write later~ Peace, love, and pistachios/avocados!